MARRIAGE IS
HARD WORK! !!!!!!
I used to
interpret the saying "Marriage is not for small boys" to mean small
boys in terms of age, until I visited a female mentor that has been in marriage
for 47 years.
I asked, so
what is the secret of your over 47 years in marriage?
Beaming, she
retorted; My son, the expectations you
bring into marriage will either spell its doom or success. I married my husband
without expectations of enjoying his money or buying cars for me, but with
time, my patience, hard work and God-fearing attitude yielded results of
getting cars, houses, taking care of our children and all that.
You see, if a
married lady keeps on nagging in the house, she pushes the spirit of her
husband from the home. If you make the man unhappy, you make the house
ungovernable.
So, I married
without high expectations from my husband but simply to make him happy always.
Yes, for the
past 47 years, I would be the first to get up from bed and the last to go back
to bed. I bath the kids, do devotions with them, prepare breakfast for my husband
and boil hot water for him to bath. I iron his dresses he would take to work,
kiss him and wish him the best in his daily endeavours.
I asked my old
woman, so then does the man do in return? She laughed all heart and hearty and
replied; You see, this is the mistakes you young ones make in marriage. YOU DO
SOMETHING TO YOUR HUSBAND OR WIFE AND EXPECT
SAME REWARD FROM HIM OR HER, THUS WRONG.
When it
becomes your attitude to always please your husband or wife, the other person
responds back naturally. Indeed, if nothing touches the palm tree, it doesn't
rattle.
She continued,
my son, never carry how rich or poor your family is into marriage. After all,
you knew very well the status of your family and decided to marry that man or
woman.
Love only
compels would be couples into marriage but it doesn't sustain marriage. Rather,
understanding, patience, communication and most importantly, forgiveness
sustain every marriage. High expectations are the symptoms of divorce in
marriages.
Sometimes you
hear, I want to marry a mother, a business partner, God fearing person etc. You
can't get all your expectations in one person. With time and depending on your
relationship, you may get some. So minimise your expectations in marriage.
To cut the long
story short, as too much cook spoil the broth, she concluded on the mistakes
couple should resist at all cost in marriage:
1) Never say
you have made your wife or husband somebody from a nobody. It hurts. God only
use you as an agent for transformation, give the glory to God.
2) Let the man
be head financially, emotionally and physically whilst the woman exerts
headship spiritually and be diligence in the use of the tongue.
3) Children
are not the ultimate in marriage. They are given to enhance your marriage. When
God delays in giving you a child, have every reason to live a happy marital
life.
There has
never been any automatic barrenness in a person. Abraham got Ishmael at age 86
but at age 100 and 90, they eventually got their Isaac. Isaac had a barren
family for 20 years but eventually got his twins; Jacob and Esau etc.
4) Sex is a
major morale booster after a hard day's stressful life. Try to be sexual beings
and not "Angels" in that marriage
5) Resort to
God often and less to men to solve your marital disputes.
6) Let the
women " Make up" their
characters much more than they make up their body.
Indeed,
marriage is not for small boys because small boys struggle to forgive, demand
everything speedingly, lack the patience to wait, have so many friends etc.
Make every
effort to let that marriage work and may God help us. Amen
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